It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
