I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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