I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He felt like a one man threesome
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I need moral support for this bender
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
