she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
