it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you traded sex for a burrito?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
