I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
