I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
