What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
