Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
