69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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