If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
