I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you had me at cake vodka
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
