This is not my ceiling
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
