I bet he comes in French.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
