how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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