so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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