i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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