I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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