had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My ATM looks so different sober.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
