I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
