I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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