just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
