when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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