come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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