honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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