I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
