Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
