i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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