I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
