Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
