we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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