Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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