about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
