ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize