There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His hands were made for my vagina.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
