Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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