using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
