HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
