fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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