i need an iv and a liver transplant
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
