Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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