ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
