I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
