If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
