Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
