Where did you get a picture of my penis
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
