i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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