yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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