First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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