How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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