Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
