We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
