Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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