Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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