they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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