Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
