i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
