Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
