oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
