Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
