Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
