I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
