I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize