The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
