Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
