remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
