There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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