The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Drake has all the answers
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
