I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
