i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
