Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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